19 Funny Life Mottos

Funny personal mottos can help you take yourself less seriously — the better to enjoy the moments your life is made of. 

There’s nothing funny or clever about dogmatism and what it leads to.

So when a new friend shares a personal motto that makes you laugh, it puts you at ease. 

Clever mottos can achieve what religious fervor never could: a unity worth having.

In support of that, we’ve collected 19 of the funniest mottos for you to enjoy.

We hope you find at least one you’ll be happy to share. 

Funny Mottos to Live By 

To understand the benefits of living by funny personal mottos, think about how you feel when you read the following phrases — one of them lighthearted and the other serious (and deeply flawed).

  • “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito” — Dalai Lama
  • “A teacher who is not dogmatic is simply a teacher who is not teaching.” — G.K. Chesterton

With the lighthearted one, you feel more relaxed and, at the same time, more motivated to make a positive difference (unlike the mosquito). 

19 Funny Life Mottos for a Lighthearted Approach to Life

Whether the funny mottos here make you laugh or just quietly smile in appreciation, we hope they brighten your day and help you find a motto you’ll enjoy making your own. 

1. When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. — Anonymous

It’s sort of like asking someone to fit a square peg into a round hole — but a lot funnier to watch. What else can you think of that’s impossible to do (because of physics)? 

2. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. — Will Rogers.

Will Rogers was apparently no fan of Algebra, but you can substitute other things from youth that no one would want to repeat — like puberty or religious education.

3. The face you’re born with is the one God gave you. Your face at 50 is the one you gave yourself. — Mrs. Toms

Ladies and gentlemen, this is where self-care comes in. It’s not just for rich people and multi-level marketers. 

Funny Life Quote by Mrs. Toms

4. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants. — Anonymous

To move forward, you need to detach your feet from the ground, one at a time. And, when appropriate, take a leap. 

5. Whatever hits the fan will not be distributed evenly. 

No one wants to think about what might be hitting the fan, but we all know it’s not something we’d want flung in our direction. If you end up wearing more of it than your neighbor, you might wonder why. 

6. My life is a very complicated drinking game. 

Alcohol is implied here but not required. The game is the point, encouraging you to take your life less seriously. The fate of the world doesn’t depend on your doing everything right. And not everything that goes wrong is your fault. 

7. After Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF. 

The calendar knows your pain. The words “hump day” don’t even scratch the surface. What you need is someone to share in your frustration that you’re not even halfway to your next day off. And, sometimes, profanity helps.

8. “If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.” — Albert Einstein

Why did no one tell you this when you were in school? Honestly, though, it pays to look closer at assumptions disguised as facts. People are too fond of “established wisdom.” Dig deeper.

9. Sometimes, you’re the windshield; sometimes, you’re the bug. 

Somedays, things go well, and you’re flying high. Other times, you face plant in your own mess.

It’s anyone’s guess how each day will go, but paying closer attention to the good stuff can make the bad stuff easier.

10. To get a loan, you first have to prove you don’t need it.

Behind the customer service language, every bank is a business. Prove you need a loan to survive, and they see you as an unnecessary risk; prove you don’t need a loan, and your satisfaction is their #1 priority.


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11. “The best thing about the future is it comes one day at a time.” — Abraham Lincoln.

One day has enough challenges in it to keep you busy. Who wants to deal with more than that if they have a choice?

Nobody, that’s who. One day’s problems for one day’s energy supply is enough. 

Funny Life Quote by Abraham Lincoln

12. No one says, “It’s just a game,” when their team is winning. 

When you’re winning, the game takes on new meaning. It’s when you’re losing that “it’s just a game,” and you’d rather people focused on other things, like participating and camaraderie.  

13. “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks, to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.” — Denis Waitley

Failing at something is usually a letdown, at least when you’re going through it.

But what you learn from that failure can help you succeed at something more important down the road. Think of it as self-improvement training. 

Funny Life Quote by Denis Waitley

14. “A woman is like a tea bag; you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

Unlike a tea bag, though, a woman can be dunked into hot water repeatedly without losing potency. In fact, the tea gets stronger every time. 

Funny Life Quote by Eleanor Roosevelt

15. “I drink to make other people more interesting.” — Ernest Hemingway

Let’s just put it out there: Alcohol makes socializing a hell of a lot easier. In fact, it’s great for helping you get through a lot of things you’d rather avoid.

The tricky part? It’s easy to trick yourself into thinking you’re the one in control. 

16. When nothing goes right… go left. 

This is a classic pivot scenario. When things aren’t going the way you want them to, try looking at it from a different angle. And don’t be afraid to shake up your routine and try something new. 

17. “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” — Billy Sunday

More to the point, faithful adherence to a religion doesn’t make someone a good person. Real character is about what you do when you think no one is looking — and when it’s inconvenient. 

18. Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. 

Repeat these words whenever your jerk brain is saying, “If I can’t do it just perfectly, I won’t do it at all!” Better a rough start than no start at all (unless you’re cutting someone’s hair). 

19. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” — Anonymous

You don’t know what people are really dealing with when they seem all good on the outside. Even if you can’t walk in their shoes, trust that they’re dealing with something that you wouldn’t want to. 

Did any of these awesome mottos capture your outlook on life?

Now that you have 19 funny mottos to think about, which ones sounded most like you? Depending on what you’ve been through already, some will resonate more than others. 

In another ten years, you’ll probably adopt other mottos that speak to you on a personal level. And the ones you’re more likely to share with others probably have universal appeal. 

You have a sense, already, of what ideas connect you with others and which ones tend to keep you separate. 

The best humor brings people closer together. 

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